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This is how my traditional publishing train derailed.

Writer's picture: Jenna Beall MuellerJenna Beall Mueller

Updated: Sep 30, 2024

My debut women’s fiction novel, POP, FIZZ, CLINK, comes out in just 23 days (!!!). You can preorder it here.


Over the next three weeks, I’m going to pull back the curtain and tell you how I got to this spot. I am self-publishing POP, FIZZ, CLINK after years of working with an agent in the traditional publishing industry, and to be frank, I never expected to be an indie author.

My writer's nook/Goldie's playroom

HOW I USED TO THINK “I want to do things the old-fashioned way,” I would say when people brought up the topic of self-publishing.  


I wanted that external validation. I wanted an industry expert to affirm that I belonged in this field, that I was worthy of a coveted spot.


I believed that traditional publishing was the only way to be a “real” author.


BEGINNING THE QUERYING PROCESS I first started to query literary agents in 2016 with a manuscript titled WHEN KISMET COMES KNOCKING. It was about a gal named Henrietta Middleton (Henri!) whose college ex-boyfriend (Toby Probasco; isn’t that an amazing name?) moves into her apartment building, and he is all Mr. Nice Guy now. I would wake up at 5am and flip through the latest edition of Jeff Herman’s Guide to Book Publishers, Editors, & Literary Agents.

I loved the process.

After finding an agent who represented women’s fiction, I would go through the following checklist:

  • Are they open to submissions?

  • Does my manuscript check off anything on their wish list?

  • Are they an editorial agent? (This is something I really wanted at that time. While I have an MA, I do not have an MFA, and I was desperate for editorial feedback and a heavy pen.)

  • What do we have in common on a personal level?


I sent dozens of queries. I received a few requests to read my full manuscript, but more often than not, I received dozens of rejections.


In December 2016, I got my first BIG bite from a BIG DEAL literary agent.


“Dear Ms. Beall,

Thanks for sending the full manuscript, which I’ve now read. I think it has a lot of potential but I also think it would need work to make it stand out in a crowded marketplace. Would you be interested in discussing a revision, with an eye to representation? Sincerely, **Agent’s name redacted**”


I WAS SO EXCITED! HERE WAS MY BIG BREAK!


I can remember shaking as I hopped on a phone call with this agent.


“Your writing has such a strong voice,” she said, “and that’s just not something you can easily teach.”


We talked through her proposed edits, which I heartily agreed to. (She could have told me to make the heroine a golden retriever and set the manuscript in the French countryside, and I would have agreed.) I actually took off work the next day to power through a rewrite for her. I was so earnest and eager.


I submitted my revised manuscript to this agent. She reviewed it and replied that it was closer but not quite there yet. She gave me some additional edits. I made these edits and then…


The agent ghosted me.


For real.


She just never replied.


Welcome to the world of publishing, young Jenna.


A NEW MANUSCRIPT I finished writing another manuscript in 2018. This one was called IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?, and I knew it was special from the get-go. (I would still like to publish this manuscript someday—after some serious revising—but that’s a story for another blog post.) It was about a new college graduate named Basil navigating adulthood. A sort of PG-13, Midwestern version of Lena Dunham’s Girls, if you will.

Instead of flipping through my dog-eared copy of Jeff Herman’s Guide, I used online resources this go-around, including a website called the Association of American Literary Agents. This is going to sound obnoxious to anyone in the querying trenches, but I got an offer of representation really fast on this manuscript, as in weeks. (Don’t worry: this turns out badly for me, so you don’t have to hate me.)

MY FIRST BIG MISTAKE I remember once reading some advice from Jennifer Weiner. She coached new writers to resist the temptation of accepting their first offer of representation.


When you’re on the hunt, and you’re getting rejected, it’s easy to feel desperate to the point that any agent who expresses interest becomes, in your mind, The One. Try to slow your roll and ask the things a smart consumer would ask, like, "Can I see your list?" and "What publishing houses have you made deals with lately? Which editors?" and "If you were to represent me, how would you pitch this book? Who would you send it to? What’s your plan?" Jennifer Weiner


Guess what? I did not follow this advice!


When I received my first offer of representation, I couldn’t say yes fast enough. I was like Sally Field accepting my Oscar. “You love me! You really love me!”


I’M GOING TO BE FAMOUS! “Well, this is it,” I remember thinking. “It’s only up from here!”


Spoiler alert: it was not “only up” from there. It was to the side and down…really far down…and all over the place, my friends.


My new agent and I spent six months revising, revising, and revising my manuscript until it was ready to show to editors at publishing houses. I’ll never forget the night when my agent signed off on the final revision, determining it was finally ready to premiere on the submission scene.


It was February. Adam was already in bed, and I poured myself a flute of champagne. It started to snow, and while they were only flurries, I still took the flakes as a serendipitous sign of something magical to come. I walked into the backyard and savored this moment of supreme possibility, of hope.


I’m glad I did.


CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR Here are some of the rejections we received on IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING? We also received a revise and resubmit (R&R) from Amazon’s publishing house, which was super cool.


“Thanks so much for sending this my way! While I love the pitch and it’s very much the kind of thing I’d love to find for my list, I’m afraid I just didn’t connect with the book overall, despite the strong writing. I’m sorry we couldn’t connect on this but I hope we find something together soon! In the meantime, wishing you and the author much success in settling on the right home for this.” Penguin Random House Editor


“Thank you so much for sharing Is Your Refrigerator Running? by Jenna Beall. Basil was a fun, sympathetic protagonist with a great sense of humor who I couldn't help but root for. Her experiences post-college felt authentically drawn, and the secondary characters were so charming. But while I enjoyed Jenna's voice (I could totally see her writing a romcom), I'm afraid to say that for me personally, at times the story just felt like it was more about a certain generation's experience rather than about the characters, so I don't think I'd be the right editor for it. I'm sorry I don't have better news, but I appreciate the opportunity to consider Jenna's novel, and hope you find the perfect home for it.” Harper Collins Editor


“Thank you so much for sending me IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING! Jenna has a fantastic voice and I love the recipe in each of the chapters. Although I loved the food elements of the book, I wasn’t positive there was a strong enough story hook to make this stand out in the market.” Source Books Editor


A ROUGH FEW YEARS After a charmed 2018 and beginning of 2019, my writing life took a turn.


There were plenty of bright spots along the way—I signed a contract for six children’s picture books with a traditional publisher, which was the happiest of surprises—but jeez louise… I look back on this time and feel sort of sick.


While I was on submission with REFRIGERATOR, my agent convinced me to do a work-for-hire project. It ended up being one of the most overwhelming and defeating experiences of my life, and I’m certain the stress is what made my MS surface.   


Here is how a work-for-hire project works: you’re given a chapter-by-chapter outline of what transpires in the book, and then you write the book insanely quickly. It was depressing to be pouring so much of my energy, time, and creativity into a book I didn’t care about while watching rejections arrive in my inbox for a manuscript I did care about, one that I thought was a whole lot better than this hokey romance.


To add insult to injury, I was only given a small, fixed payment for this book. A mere $3,000 for such a huge chunk of my time.


0/10 of an experience.


WHY CAN’T I GET THIS RIGHT? Once the dreadful work-for-hire book was done, I started writing a new manuscript. The working title was POP, FIZZ, CLINK, and it was told from the perspective of two sisters, Bea and Mattie, during Mattie’s engagement party, when a giant snowstorm blew in and stranded all the guests for the evening.


I was trying to make a rom-com version of Ann Patchett’s Bel Canto. I really was!


Every version of the manuscript I sent my agent wasn’t quite right. She knew it, and I knew it. I wasn’t getting to the heart of the matter.


MS ENTERS THE ROOM In November of 2019, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I’ll be honest, in a lot of big ways, my diagnosis came as a relief. I had been in and out of the doctor’s office for months with bizarre symptoms, and I was starting to worry I was crazy. There is comfort, and power, in being able to name the disease you’re fighting.


But in other ways, this diagnosis flipped my world upside down.


MRIs, bloodwork, and neurologist appointments became a part of my new normal. For the first time, I had to seriously consider insurance plans and coverage options. (Spoiler: having a chronic disease is not cheap!) Plus, there was the emotional toll of my diagnosis in addition to, you know, the actual physical effects of the disease.


It wasn’t until June of 2020 though that I finally had my “aha” moment and knew I wanted to make MS a major part of my manuscript.


A MAGICAL WEEK IN MICHIGAN

When Adam asked what I wanted for my 31st birthday that year, my answer was easy.


"I want to go away and work on my manuscript," I said. I had been slated to attend a writing retreat in New England the previous spring, but COVID obviously put the kibosh on that.


And so, Adam booked me an Airbnb in nearby Ann Arbor, Michigan for an ENTIRE WEEK! He made me a slew of meals and sent me on my way.


The Airbnb couldn't have been more perfect. It was perched on a bluff that overlooked the Huron River and Ann Arbor cityscape. The decor was eclectic and cozy, and there was a little office with French doors right off the bedroom. The landscape was dusted with snow, and I often got to watch flurries and flakes swirl through the wintry air.


I cannot tell you how much that week meant to me. I would wake up by 6 and write until noon. I would then take a shower, eat lunch, and enjoy a long walk, usually around Kerrytown. I would nap once I got home and then write for a few more hours before dinner. After supper, I would curl up with a book and a glass of wine (okay, glasses—I was reading for hours) and read it cover to cover before bed.


It. Was. Heaven.


This is the place where I finally completed my manuscript for POP, FIZZ, CLINK, and I made sure to pay homage by including an Ann Arbor reference in my novel. :)


SUBMISSION TAKE 2

My agent and I went on submission with CLOSE TO HOME (this was the new title of POP, FIZZ, CLINK, but it never felt quite right to me; it was so generic) in the fall of 2021. Even though I was pregnant and distracted, I knew something was off this second time around.


We only received ONE RESPONSE from the editors we’d queried, which was an incredibly kind rejection, but it basically said, “Love this manuscript, but MS is a real downer. No thanks!”


As for all the other editors my agent had queried?


Crickets.


I was puzzled by the silence. And honestly, pretty unsettled. I could tell something weird was going on… This manuscript was objectively stronger than my first. And even if it wasn’t, why weren’t we at least receiving passes?


Communication with my agent was also becoming more infrequent and sporadic.

What the heck was going on here?


I HAVE A BABY

In February 2022, my beautiful, brave daughter was born at 37 weeks. Despite my bicornuate uterus—heart-shaped, divided in half, fascinating stuff—she was ready to rock. At only 5 pounds 6 ounces, she was like, “I’m good, everyone! I want to be earthside!” She amazed me.


I spent the next few months in a postpartum daze.


I started a new manuscript, this one about motherhood (duh!), and it helped keep me steady during those wild first months. But I definitely wasn’t worrying much about CLOSE TO HOME/POP, FIZZ, CLINK.


WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD I eventually found out why my agent was distracted and (probably why) my second submission experience had been so darn weird.


She was being sued by a former client.


!!!


Honestly, I felt terrible for her. I won’t get into the case, but I genuinely hope she’s innocent in the matter. The person I know wouldn’t have done the things she’s accused of. There are plenty of BookToks out there if you want to hear both sides of it though.


I had a tough decision to make: should I stick with my agent or end our contract?


Because I’m an emotional person who often acts with her heart, I had to bring my head into the matter. This agent hadn’t been able to sell my women’s fiction manuscripts. She had gotten me into that awful work-for-hire fiasco.


I penned an email which felt like a breakup and pressed send.


I DECIDE I DON’T CARE ABOUT WRITING OR PUBLISHING OR ANY OF THIS MUMBO JUMBO ANYMORE!!!

Welcome to my Jaded Era. It was bleak. It was also weird for this sunny side-up gal.


I stopped writing altogether.


I was exhausted.


I felt like I been chewed up and spit out.


I had given this endeavor my all—honestly, I’d overextended myself and given it MORE than my all—and what had that resulted in?


I PUT MY HEART BACK ON THE AGENT SCENE If you’re still reading at this point, I’m impressed! Thank you.


In the summer of 2023, I felt the itch to write again. I revised that motherhood manuscript I wrote in my early postpartum months and started querying agents with this new book.

I made myself a pretty spreadsheet this go-around and was more thoughtful about who I contacted. After a handful of full manuscript requests (and subsequent passes with thoughtful feedback), I had a better idea of what I needed to change with this motherhood manuscript of mine.


But there was a problem…


BACK TO BEA My sweet, spunky heroine Bea Parker was still calling my name. It was almost as if she was tapping on my shoulder and saying, “Did you forget about me?”


I knew I had to get POP, FIZZ, CLINK into the world before I could move on to future works. Bea's story was not only my story, it was the story of so many gals I know who suffer from MS. I felt this very real responsibility to get it into the world.


SELF-PUBLISHING? REALLY???

While I had a very close “yes” with a small publisher I was able to contact without an agent (a rare thing in the publishing world), that editor eventually passed.


Should I attempt to self-publish this book? I wondered. Ugh, but would it look painfully amateur and cheap? Would anyone even buy it besides my parents? How lame!


As I was contemplating this leap of faith, my favorite local bookstore, the Bookery, posted their bestsellers of 2023. And get this: number two on the list was an INDIE AUTHOR!!!!

It must be a sign!!!


I reached out to the author, Jessica Booth, immediately.


She couldn’t have been kinder or more helpful. Jessica was a wealth of knowledge and generous with that knowledge, too.


And thus, my self-publishing journey began, which is deserving of its own post. (Later, I promise!)


ALL OF THIS TO SAY It has been a long, winding road that's brought me to this point. And honestly, this post only provides a bird's eye view. Publishing is an industry with a lot of secrecy, a lot of gatekeepers, and a lot of rejection.


Holy cannoli, there is SO MUCH rejection.


What I tell every aspiring author is this: you have to believe in yourself and your writing to an almost delusional degree. Because you're going to have to fall back on that confidence every time you hear "no." And some of those "no's" hurt worse than others.


But I'll tell you what, if your heart is telling you to write, keep going.


Listen to that longing. It's telling you something.

 


 

 


 

 

 

 

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1 commentaire


Meg Vogel
Meg Vogel
26 sept. 2024

I'm so proud of you for building your own shelf. You have such a unique ability to tell a story with love, whimsy, and humor. It is time for the rest of the world to know that, too.

J'aime

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